02. Autumn Leaves

 October 2008.

I hear this song a lot these days. It's one of the songs our son has gravitated to on piano right now, as he is coming up with more songs to add to his jazz repertoire. It gets played at a multitude of tempos, volumes, and styles while he works out the kinks. Great to see him really spend the time to learn something new, not always easy on the ears though, but I will smile and anticipate the more complete soulful version that is emerging.

You can certainly feel the change of season in the air. The sun shines but the air is cool and feels crisp as you breathe it in. I have just finalized a trip with my mom to go back east and visit her childhood hometown and the nearby hometown where I was born and spent my early years. She has not been back in more than a decade. Going at this time of year, with the vibrancy of the fall colours is something I am looking forward to. Where I live now ( and have for nearly thirty years) is an astoundingly beautiful area in Western Canada. No humidity and long summer days. The only time I really think about my hometown back east is in the fall where I miss the cool air and colours of the deciduous trees. Out west, it's mostly evergreens and it just doesn't look or feel the same at this time of year. Maybe too, I think back to the September days and heading back to school. New lunch kit in hand, new shoes, new outfit and the promise of an even better year ahead, possibly a new school crush, or just an opportunity to start fresh again.

I lost my father less than a year ago after his lengthy battle with heart disease and cancer, and even though he and my mom hadn't been together as a married couple for a very long time, it hit her and each of our family members hard. Going back now to visit with her and rekindle warm memories seems right. Like the smell of autumn in the air, I know there is impending change ahead for both my mom and me. I spent most of the last eight years of my life, focused or maybe better said fretting over my dad's failing health. I had a hard time watching him deteriorate and tried many times in vain to encourage change in his lifestyle and wait for him to rebound into wellness. This didn't happen and still now is very hard to accept. Dad passed away on my birthday. My husband's dad passed away on his birthday almost 10 years ago. I guess it somehow seems to bring us more together and lessen the pain.

So here's where I try to tie it all together...Like my son's repetitive practicing of Autumn Leaves, I have lived my life at a multitude of tempos, volumes and styles. I have stumbled through the key passages, missed hearing the important notes, and forgot the lyrics more times than I would have liked but I think I'm getting better at working out the kinks and am anticipating the more complete soulful version that is emerging.